And now, for my final XMSG offering, we have a collection of a half dozen videos to keep you warm on Xmas!  (In all honesty, this post came about because I forgot what part 9 of 10 was supposed to be, so I bumped the playlist up and cobbled this post together.  It’s a bunch of semi-random videos I just happened to think of.  Eh.  You get what you get, kids.)

Note:  If you’re reading this post on Google reader, you’ll want to click through to the permalink because, otherwise, it will look like a whole lot of nothing.

Billy Kelly – Glebells Jing!—

[Watch it on YouTube]

Readeez – A Visit from St. Nicholas—

[Watch it on YouTube]

Recess Monkey – Hot Chocolate—

[Watch it on YouTube]

Sesame Street – Oscar Hates Christmas—

[Watch it on YouTube]

Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! – The Gift of Joy—

[Watch it on YouTube]

And your cringe-worth video of the season is……

When Bowie met Crosby!—

[Watch it on YouTube]

Warning:  While this is normally a family blog, this is not a family playlist.

It’s the annual dysfunctional family holiday get-together, and everyone is invited this year!  The drama is about to unfold.  Toes will be stepped on.  Fights may break out.  Folks will get drunk.  You may need to drive your second cousin to the hospital after he ODs in your bathroom.  And, for some reason, someone invited Mojo Nixon.

Oh, that was me.

This playlist mirrors any good dysfunctional holiday gathering.  It starts with an icebreaker, gets rowdy at points in the middle, and slows down toward the end, when everyone is a little tipsy.  A lot of these aren’t Xmas songs per se, as anything with the word “Christmas” in the title or lyrics, or anything tangentially related, was considered fair game.

This list has turned out to be my pride and joy of the Xmas music survival guide, so I hope you’ll enjoy it during your last-minute wrapping, hopefully with your drink of choice at hand.  Have fun!

• “Merry Christmas” – Wesley Willis
• “Carol of the Bells” – The Bird and the Bee
• “Blue Christmas” – Bright Eyes
• “River” – Joni Mitchell
• “Christmas at the Zoo” – The Flaming Lips
• “St. Stephen’s Day Murders” – The Chieftains feat. Elvis Costello
• “X-mas Song” – Fireflies
• “Father Christmas” – The Kinks
• “Christmas Wrapping” – The Waitresses
• “Christmas, Christmas” – Mojo Nixon
• “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)” – Joey Ramone
• “The Christmas Song” – The Raveonettes
• “Space Christmas” – Shonen Knife
• “Christmas Is Going to the Dogs” – Eels
• “The Spirit of Giving” – The New Pornographers
• “My First Christmas (as a Woman)” – The Vandals
• “It’s Christmas So We’ll Stop” – Frightened Rabbit
• “Fairytale of New York” – The Pogues feat. Kirsty MacColl
• “King’s Crossing” – Elliott Smith
• “Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis” – Tom Waits
• “Mr. Mistletoe” – The Magnetic Fields
• “I Feel Like Going Home” – Yo La Tengo

P.S.  If you need help finding the unlinked tracks, and are ethically unfettered, I may or may not know a guy…so feel free to email me.

I have fallen in love with song-poems.  For the uninitiated, song-poems are the product of a scam where amateur lyricists would pay to have their “poems” set to music so they could become the Next Big Thing.  The producers gave these to their studio musicians to quickly arrange, based on the authors’ requests for tempo, style, and vocalist’s gender, then record in one take.  They pressed a few singles or comps for the writers, and that was that.

The American Song Poem Christmas
Various artists

The audience for this album is probably broader than, but largely overlapping with, people who would actually listen to the Shaggs.  The main difference would be that the song-poems were recorded with some degree of musical competence, but some of the lyrics are on par with “My Pal Foot Foot.”  Some could have just as easily been turned into really bad picture books, with titles like “Randy, The Lil Elf,” “Maury, The Christmas Mouse,” and “The Peppermint Stick Man.”

But, Randy and Maury aside, there are some serious should-be classics here:

• Santa Came On A Nuclear Missile
• Daddy, Is Santa Really Six Foot Four?
• How Do They Spend Christmas in Heaven
• The Rocking Disco Santa Claus

This novelty album has it all, from terrorizing Santas to cheating moms to dead people.  You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, etc.  The liner notes call the album “oddly enchanting”—I couldn’t agree more.  Recommended for anyone with a solid sense of irony and/or quirky sense of humor.

“Should _____ make an Xmas album?” Ninety-five percent of the time, no matter who you plug into that question, the answer is no.  The Popdose Mellowmas series is proof of that.  It kind of makes all the terrible Xmas music worthwhile, but not in a way that you’d ever want to experience it personally.  Even the well-intentioned artists that you might otherwise listen to have a hard time making a worthwhile holiday album, so when someone makes one that’s fairly listenable, it’s kind of like…a miracle?

My Morning Jacket Does Xmas Fiasco Style

My Morning Jacket is probably a band you either love or hate.  Within a minute of the first song, you learn that you have to have a high tolerance (if not a liking) of two things:  vocal reverb and slide guitar.  If you listen to the album, you’ll find that it’s not very Xmas-y.  Sure, “Christmas” figures into the lyrics here and there, but that’s about it.  Covering Nick Cave’s “New Morning” is certainly an interesting choice.

There are two exceptions.  I think “I Just Wanted to Say” captures the spirit of the holidays.  Not in a ho ho ho sort of way, but…well, you’ll just have to listen.  The other exception is their cover of “Blue Christmas.”  It’s all kinds of awesome.  Even if you don’t want to spend $6 on the whole EP, I’d say spending $2 on those two songs would be worth it.

Songs for Christmas
Sufjan Stevens

Sufjan Stevens’s music is probably either something you love or hate.  Whoa, déjà vu.  His style is unique, but his songs get very busy.  It’s all in the arrangements.  Take “Come on! Let’s Boogey to the Elf Dance!”  There’s the chorus, which is continued in the background during the verses to form a counter-melody.  Then there’s the instrumentation, which gets complicated and intricate, and as you try to follow it, you’re not always sure how the pieces fit together to make something that works.  There are probably people who don’t think it works, but I’m not one of them.

The collection as a whole is…long.  Two hours, to be specific.  The set was released on five discs over a period of (I think) six years, so it’s not meant to be taken in one sitting.  As much as I love them, the songs start to become indistinguishable after prolonged listening.  Plus you’ll end up asking yourself why there has to be three versions of “O Come O Come Emmanuel.”

The highlights of the set are his original songs.  I find the lyrics particularly entertaining when they’re in a rhyme scheme, like in “It’s Christmas! Let’s Be Glad!”  It’s not as ambitious as finding a thousand words that rhyme with Decatur, but good nonetheless.  And you’ve gotta love those exclamation points!

There has been no shortage of kindie holiday albums this year.  I’d like to take a moment and tell you about a couple that I like, and a couple that I haven’t heard but assume are really good.  If you follow kids’ music much, I’m not about to tell you anything you don’t already know.  But, if you don’t follow kids’ music as closely, this post is for you.

Holiday Hullabaloo
Hullabaloo

This collection of ten acoustic renditions of traditional holiday songs is great for when you need…acoustic holiday music.  I think that line was more eloquent and compelling in my head.  Don’t go into it expecting another High Roller, but do go in expecting fun and enjoyment.  Did I mention that the album is available for free?  No, because I wanted you to keep reading…you know, like putting milk in the back corners of grocery stores?  Anyway, you can download it for free here.

Christmas Songs
Todd McHatton

This is THE indie pop album of the season.  It’s been compared to The Flaming Lips and The Shins.  In what world would you not want to obtain this EP immediately?  Again, it’s available for free!  You can download it here.  Please do.  You’ll thank me later.

The other two albums I want to point you to are ones I’ve heard good things about, but haven’t actually listened to.  If only my wallet were a little thicker this season…  Anyway.  One is Express Your Elf from Uncle Rock.  Cool Mom Picks has a good review of it.  The other album is …and a Happy New Year, a collaborative “winter holiday album” from Danny Adlerman, Kevin Kammeraad, and Yosi. Nugget Island has a good review, which also covers Hanukkah albums, so you should definitely read it.

We get to blame our parents, and whoever else had a hand in raising us, for the music we grew up with.  It really shouldn’t be embarrassing to admit to listening, or even liking, what we were subjected to when we were young and impressionable.  But what if we still like that same music now, when we’re old enough to know better?  What if our holidays just aren’t complete without hearing those albums?

That would be embarrassing.

But it doesn’t have to be.  Not anymore.  I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to like crappy holiday music that you wouldn’t otherwise listen to.  In the spirit of mutual support, I will now publicly admit to two albums that are integral to my Xmas season.

Christmas Greetings
Kenny Rogers

I grew up in a Kenny Rogers household, and (against all odds) my taste in music turned out okay—a heartwarming success story, I’m sure.  Hey!  you can download this album for under $5!  If that’s not a sign of excellence, I don’t know what is.

I happen to genuinely like his “Carol of the Bells” (and here genuinely probably means due to brainwashing).  But the must-hear track of the season is “Kentucky Homemade Christmas”—a touching tale about the impact of job loss on the holidays.

I’m finding it hilarious that I now have a picture of Kenny Rogers on my blog.

I’m drawing a blank on the name of my other must-hear album of the season.  I’m sure my mom still has a copy, so I’ll have to get it from her.  Anyway, it’s a compilation of modern classics, and it includes two key tracks:  Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” and Boney M.’s “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord.”  Those two horrible, horrible songs have become part of a Planchak family tradition, at least for my brother Matthew and me.

If you’d like a visual aid, our love for those songs looks kind of like this:

…yeah…

So, don’t leave me hanging!…tell us about your childhood favorites or embarrassments or guilty pleasures in the comments.  If we stand together, we won’t have to feel humiliated or tarnish our street cred.  Ideally.

Santa image credit:  “thumbs up” by Flickr user istolethetv, used under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.0 license.

Most holiday albums cover the same territory.  But, as much as we love the same old songs, and want our offspring to learn the classics, sometimes you feel like retching over each person who comes along thinking they have an original take on “Winter Wonderland.”  That’s where the genre album can come in handy—a little variety.  These are the ones we’ve been listening to:

Jazz

What a Wonderful Christmas
Louis Armstrong & others

A “White Christmas” and a “Winter Wonderland” that you want to listen to, plus “Christmas in New Orleans,” “Christmas Night in Harlem,” ^[1] and “Zat You, Santa Claus?”  Apparently Louis Armstrong was not interested in making an album-worth of Xmas songs, so he invited some of his close, personal friends (I’m sure) to contribute.  I love it, because it’s the only album I own with Eartha Kitt’s “Santa Baby” on it.

Classical

The Nutcracker

Let’s not pretend like it really matters what recording of The Nutcracker you pick up.  It’s not like we’re looking for the performance of the century, or some brilliant reimagining of it.  (“OMG, I can’t believe they used a crescendo there!!”)  What does matter is whether or not you get one that says “highlights” or “excerpts” or “selections” rather than the full performance, which dictates whether or not you will become insufferably bored.

I’ve never actually seen The Nutcracker in its entirety, but I think I know the story…there’s this nutcracker that comes to life, and then there’s a whole lot of dancing.  Did I get that right?  Even if I’m not so clear on the story, I do love the music, and a little Tchaikovsky can offer a nice change in pace from the rest of your Xmas collection.

Motown

I suppose it’s not really fair of me to refer to a record label as a genre, but I’m not knowledgeable enough about the boundaries of R&B, soul, funk, etc. to use proper labels.  So, there.

The Ultimate Motown Christmas Collection
Various artists

I’ve been pretty into classic Motown lately, I guess because I needed some new “old music” to listen to.  I like this collection, even if it does start out with the Jackson 5—seriously, people, ease into it—and even if Stevie Wonder’s “Ave Maria” is unconvincing.  The two-disc set has several tracks each from Smokey Robinson, the Supremes, the Temptations, and Stevie Wonder (who makes it up to you the rest of the album) but there is room for many other artists, too.

Oh, and if you look at the track listing, don’t let your jaw drop over the number of tracks.  About a quarter of them are 10-second spoken “season’s greetings,” similar to what you’d hear on the radio (“Hi, this is [so-and-so] and you’re listing to [whatever]”).

^[1]  As you can imagine, with the original racist lyrics rewritten, yay!

When it comes to traditional Xmas music, to me it makes sense to go back to the 1950s, give or take a decade or so.  There have been too many make-a-quick-buck insipid throwaway holiday albums from the past 30 years, so I appreciate the albums that collect the oldies.  These are my go-to albums this year:

Let It Snow!
Cuddly Christmas Classics from Capitol
Various artists

This has become a perennial favorite.  It’s got class, talent, and variety.  All the standard holiday songs, plus some should’ve-been classics, mostly from artists whose names I don’t recognize.  (Hey—I was born in 1981, and have never had a budget to indulge historical audiophilia.  Cut me some slack.)

Unfortunately, the album is out of print, but I strongly recommend tracking down a used copy.  Check out the track list if you need convincing.

Christmas with the Rat Pack
Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, & Sammy Davis, Jr.

A far more successful album than Christmas with the Brat Pack and Christmas with the Frat Pack combined. ^[1]  While Davis is seriously underrepresented, it’s nice to have some variety in your dead crooners during the course of the album.  Plus, now you can easily settle that age-old Sinatra or Martin question.  If that question were ever posed by anyone.

^[1]  No and no, but can you imagine?

The Hipwaders.  A Kindie Christmas.  Hip Kid Music, 2009.

Hi there, reader!  You’re just in time to hear my proclaimation.  Ready?  (ahem)—

A Kindie Christmas is hereby the official tree-trimming album of 2009.

This honor is bestowed based on the album’s potential to get listeners up and moving.  The collection of songs is upbeat, both in pacing and in mood, and the fun factor is high.  It rocks just enough to please everyone, and there are persistent sleigh bells to prevent you from forgetting the theme of the album.  So, really, if you haven’t decorated your tree yet, or even if you just have that big pile of laundry to fold—oh, wait, that’s me—you should consider downloading the album straightaway to find and maintain your motivation.

I’m partial to the first track, “Santasploitation,” (“Coming this December, for one night only…”) and its play on blaxploiation.  Watch the video for reference.  Actually, the Hipwaders have a number of Xmas videos on their YouTube channel.  My favorite is “It’s Wintertime”:

[Watch it on YouTube]

other reviews:
Dadnabbit | Nugget Island | Out with the Kids

Disclosure:  A review copy was provided by the Hipwaders.  They neither paid nor pressured me to speak well of it.

I think the fact that we’ve all been watching the same TV specials since the 1960s really speaks to the importance of our traditions in the winter holiday season.  Year after year, forty-something years later, we’re loyal to the same shows.  How many of us can co-narrate parts of these, or deliver the dialog in time with the characters?  …I thought so.

Below are the Xmas specials that hold special importance to our family, and the soundtracks we treasure by extension.

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
Vince Guaraldi Trio

The official start of the Xmas season comes whenever I think to spin this album.  I love, love, love it.  I’ve even listened to it in the off-season.  A trio with the piano as the central instrument, plus an upright bass that gets loud from time to time, is the perfect recipe for instrumental jazz, and Guaraldi and company are just so talented and on it.  If you’ll pardon the blasphemy, I think sweet baby Jesus was born just so I could have this album and an excuse to listen to it.

N.B.  There is an expanded release of the album available that has alternate takes for several of the tracks.  I’ve not heard them yet, but I figure since they successfully put “What Child Is This?” and “Greensleeves” on the original release, the extra tracks may not be overkill.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
Burl Ives & others

We owned this on cassette when I was growing up, and I still consider it next-best to actually watching the video.  What a great, totally bizarre story.  I mean, yes, it issues a slap in the face of conformity, but the tale is so sprawling.  Yukon Cornelius?  The abominable snow monster?  Really?  And the stop-motion animation…how can you not love it?  I like that the soundtrack is faithful to the movie, but I still don’t see the need for Set of Tracks Formerly Known As a B-Side full of instrumental versions of the songs.  Because we’re all desperate to sing karaoke to Rudolph…?

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)
Boris Karloff & Thurl Ravenscroft

This isn’t the soundtrack to the movie (which is good since you can just sit and watch the movie).  Instead we have Boris Karloff reading the whole story, with some background music and sound effects, and the Whos singing at appropriate times.  And, of critical importance, we have Thurl Ravenscroft’s “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” as an isolated track.  He’s so the right person to be singing that song, and anyone who tries to cover it is subject to intense scrutiny.  Picturing him as Tony the Tiger is optional, and not recommended.

Bonus thoughts:  soundtrack FAIL alert!

It’s not technically a soundtrack, but A Sesame Street Christmas contains a lot of the songs that are on my very favorite Xmas special:  Christmas Eve on Sesame Street (1978).  You know, the essentials like “True Blue Miracle,” “Keep Christmas with You (All Through the Year),” Bert & Ernie’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” duet, and Oscar’s essential ballad, “I Hate Christmas.”  I knew the songs had been re-recorded in 1995 but I figured, how bad can they screw it up?

No, no, no, no, no.  Let me tell you, I was so horrified that I immediately purchased Merry Christmas from Sesame Street (1975) on vinyl.  We don’t even own a turntable, but I still felt deeply compelled to own it—that’s how bad A Sesame Street Christmas is.

First of all, they Elmofied it.  Because apparently the world might end if young kids can’t recognize the voices of Hardhead Henry Harris and Smart Tina.  And if Elmo doesn’t constitute “bad enough,” the thing that really bothers me is the one word they changed in “I Hate Christmas”  The new line is, “I’ll tell him where to leave his toys.”  Huh?  It makes sense when you know how he sang it in 1978:  “I’ll tell him where to put his toys.”  Put—what an offensive word!  Not offensive like stick, shove, or cram (or any of the other words Nate and I brainstormed the other day), but still enough for it to end up, in the unlikely event of its re-release, with one of those for-adults-only disclaimers.

Merry Christmas from Sesame Street was released three years before Christmas Eve on Sesame Street (and, thus, isn’t a soundtrack either), so I’m not 100% sure on Oscar’s verb choice then.  But, I bet you anything it’s not “leave.”