Well, we’re off.  Or, we will be at 1pm, anyway.  It’s going to be a long day, but I finally woke up without that panicky first-time-taking-kids-on-an-airplane anxiety, so I think we’ll be just fine.  I think the real relief for me is knowing I’m done with all the weird dreams.  No more “We forgot our luggage!”  No more “We’re going to miss our flight!”  And, most importantly, no more “Since when does the inside of an airplane look like the inside of a school bus?”  I actually love flying, but you wouldn’t know it from those dreams.

Aaaaahhh!!!  We’re so excited!!!

This is to say, we’re planning to unplug (for the most part) until January 4th.  Have a happy rest of the year, and we’ll be back in 2010!

Credits:
photo by my mom (she dressed them, too!) ; background ; font

Clement C. Moore was a cranky, uptight theologian—not the type of person you’d expect to write “A Visit from St. Nicholas.”  In fact, an argument has been mounted against Moore being the author, though some counter-arguments have been mounted as well.

Regardless, there was a poem written around the same time that was about Santa Claus, and it fit Moore’s cranky, uptight writing style.  It’s a poem for which no one would question giving him credit.  As for “A Visit,” who knows?  That’s what those old sods get for publishing anonymously.

Anyway, enjoy this little cup of Xmas cheer!

Old Santeclaus (1821)

Old Santeclaus with much delight
His reindeer drives this frosty night,
O’er chimney-tops, and tracks of snow,
To bring his yearly gifts to you.

The steady friend of virtuous youth,
The friend of duty, and of truth,
Each Christmas eve he joys to come
Where love and peace have made their home.

Through many houses he has been,
And various beds and stockings seen;
Some, white as snow, and neatly mended,
Others, that seemed for pigs intended.

Where e’er I found good girls or boys,
That hated quarrels, strife and noise,
I left an apple, or a tart,
Or wooden gun, or painted cart.

To some I gave a pretty doll,
To some a peg-top, or a ball;
No crackers, cannons, squibs, or rockets,
To blow their eyes up, or their pockets.

No drums to stun their Mother’s ear,
Nor swords to make their sisters fear;
But pretty books to store their mind
With knowledge of each various kind.

But where I found the children naughty,
In manners rude, in temper haughty,
Thankless to parents, liars, swearers,
Boxers, or cheats, or base tale-bearers,

I left a long, black, birchen rod,
Such as the dread command of God
Directs a Parent’s hand to use
When virtue’s path his sons refuse.

Someone should turn that into a song-poem!

And now, for my final XMSG offering, we have a collection of a half dozen videos to keep you warm on Xmas!  (In all honesty, this post came about because I forgot what part 9 of 10 was supposed to be, so I bumped the playlist up and cobbled this post together.  It’s a bunch of semi-random videos I just happened to think of.  Eh.  You get what you get, kids.)

Note:  If you’re reading this post on Google reader, you’ll want to click through to the permalink because, otherwise, it will look like a whole lot of nothing.

Billy Kelly – Glebells Jing!—

[Watch it on YouTube]

Readeez – A Visit from St. Nicholas—

[Watch it on YouTube]

Recess Monkey – Hot Chocolate—

[Watch it on YouTube]

Sesame Street – Oscar Hates Christmas—

[Watch it on YouTube]

Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! – The Gift of Joy—

[Watch it on YouTube]

And your cringe-worth video of the season is……

When Bowie met Crosby!—

[Watch it on YouTube]

Warning:  While this is normally a family blog, this is not a family playlist.

It’s the annual dysfunctional family holiday get-together, and everyone is invited this year!  The drama is about to unfold.  Toes will be stepped on.  Fights may break out.  Folks will get drunk.  You may need to drive your second cousin to the hospital after he ODs in your bathroom.  And, for some reason, someone invited Mojo Nixon.

Oh, that was me.

This playlist mirrors any good dysfunctional holiday gathering.  It starts with an icebreaker, gets rowdy at points in the middle, and slows down toward the end, when everyone is a little tipsy.  A lot of these aren’t Xmas songs per se, as anything with the word “Christmas” in the title or lyrics, or anything tangentially related, was considered fair game.

This list has turned out to be my pride and joy of the Xmas music survival guide, so I hope you’ll enjoy it during your last-minute wrapping, hopefully with your drink of choice at hand.  Have fun!

• “Merry Christmas” – Wesley Willis
• “Carol of the Bells” – The Bird and the Bee
• “Blue Christmas” – Bright Eyes
• “River” – Joni Mitchell
• “Christmas at the Zoo” – The Flaming Lips
• “St. Stephen’s Day Murders” – The Chieftains feat. Elvis Costello
• “X-mas Song” – Fireflies
• “Father Christmas” – The Kinks
• “Christmas Wrapping” – The Waitresses
• “Christmas, Christmas” – Mojo Nixon
• “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)” – Joey Ramone
• “The Christmas Song” – The Raveonettes
• “Space Christmas” – Shonen Knife
• “Christmas Is Going to the Dogs” – Eels
• “The Spirit of Giving” – The New Pornographers
• “My First Christmas (as a Woman)” – The Vandals
• “It’s Christmas So We’ll Stop” – Frightened Rabbit
• “Fairytale of New York” – The Pogues feat. Kirsty MacColl
• “King’s Crossing” – Elliott Smith
• “Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis” – Tom Waits
• “Mr. Mistletoe” – The Magnetic Fields
• “I Feel Like Going Home” – Yo La Tengo

P.S.  If you need help finding the unlinked tracks, and are ethically unfettered, I may or may not know a guy…so feel free to email me.

I have fallen in love with song-poems.  For the uninitiated, song-poems are the product of a scam where amateur lyricists would pay to have their “poems” set to music so they could become the Next Big Thing.  The producers gave these to their studio musicians to quickly arrange, based on the authors’ requests for tempo, style, and vocalist’s gender, then record in one take.  They pressed a few singles or comps for the writers, and that was that.

The American Song Poem Christmas
Various artists

The audience for this album is probably broader than, but largely overlapping with, people who would actually listen to the Shaggs.  The main difference would be that the song-poems were recorded with some degree of musical competence, but some of the lyrics are on par with “My Pal Foot Foot.”  Some could have just as easily been turned into really bad picture books, with titles like “Randy, The Lil Elf,” “Maury, The Christmas Mouse,” and “The Peppermint Stick Man.”

But, Randy and Maury aside, there are some serious should-be classics here:

• Santa Came On A Nuclear Missile
• Daddy, Is Santa Really Six Foot Four?
• How Do They Spend Christmas in Heaven
• The Rocking Disco Santa Claus

This novelty album has it all, from terrorizing Santas to cheating moms to dead people.  You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, etc.  The liner notes call the album “oddly enchanting”—I couldn’t agree more.  Recommended for anyone with a solid sense of irony and/or quirky sense of humor.

“Should _____ make an Xmas album?” Ninety-five percent of the time, no matter who you plug into that question, the answer is no.  The Popdose Mellowmas series is proof of that.  It kind of makes all the terrible Xmas music worthwhile, but not in a way that you’d ever want to experience it personally.  Even the well-intentioned artists that you might otherwise listen to have a hard time making a worthwhile holiday album, so when someone makes one that’s fairly listenable, it’s kind of like…a miracle?

My Morning Jacket Does Xmas Fiasco Style

My Morning Jacket is probably a band you either love or hate.  Within a minute of the first song, you learn that you have to have a high tolerance (if not a liking) of two things:  vocal reverb and slide guitar.  If you listen to the album, you’ll find that it’s not very Xmas-y.  Sure, “Christmas” figures into the lyrics here and there, but that’s about it.  Covering Nick Cave’s “New Morning” is certainly an interesting choice.

There are two exceptions.  I think “I Just Wanted to Say” captures the spirit of the holidays.  Not in a ho ho ho sort of way, but…well, you’ll just have to listen.  The other exception is their cover of “Blue Christmas.”  It’s all kinds of awesome.  Even if you don’t want to spend $6 on the whole EP, I’d say spending $2 on those two songs would be worth it.

Songs for Christmas
Sufjan Stevens

Sufjan Stevens’s music is probably either something you love or hate.  Whoa, déjà vu.  His style is unique, but his songs get very busy.  It’s all in the arrangements.  Take “Come on! Let’s Boogey to the Elf Dance!”  There’s the chorus, which is continued in the background during the verses to form a counter-melody.  Then there’s the instrumentation, which gets complicated and intricate, and as you try to follow it, you’re not always sure how the pieces fit together to make something that works.  There are probably people who don’t think it works, but I’m not one of them.

The collection as a whole is…long.  Two hours, to be specific.  The set was released on five discs over a period of (I think) six years, so it’s not meant to be taken in one sitting.  As much as I love them, the songs start to become indistinguishable after prolonged listening.  Plus you’ll end up asking yourself why there has to be three versions of “O Come O Come Emmanuel.”

The highlights of the set are his original songs.  I find the lyrics particularly entertaining when they’re in a rhyme scheme, like in “It’s Christmas! Let’s Be Glad!”  It’s not as ambitious as finding a thousand words that rhyme with Decatur, but good nonetheless.  And you’ve gotta love those exclamation points!

There has been no shortage of kindie holiday albums this year.  I’d like to take a moment and tell you about a couple that I like, and a couple that I haven’t heard but assume are really good.  If you follow kids’ music much, I’m not about to tell you anything you don’t already know.  But, if you don’t follow kids’ music as closely, this post is for you.

Holiday Hullabaloo
Hullabaloo

This collection of ten acoustic renditions of traditional holiday songs is great for when you need…acoustic holiday music.  I think that line was more eloquent and compelling in my head.  Don’t go into it expecting another High Roller, but do go in expecting fun and enjoyment.  Did I mention that the album is available for free?  No, because I wanted you to keep reading…you know, like putting milk in the back corners of grocery stores?  Anyway, you can download it for free here.

Christmas Songs
Todd McHatton

This is THE indie pop album of the season.  It’s been compared to The Flaming Lips and The Shins.  In what world would you not want to obtain this EP immediately?  Again, it’s available for free!  You can download it here.  Please do.  You’ll thank me later.

The other two albums I want to point you to are ones I’ve heard good things about, but haven’t actually listened to.  If only my wallet were a little thicker this season…  Anyway.  One is Express Your Elf from Uncle Rock.  Cool Mom Picks has a good review of it.  The other album is …and a Happy New Year, a collaborative “winter holiday album” from Danny Adlerman, Kevin Kammeraad, and Yosi. Nugget Island has a good review, which also covers Hanukkah albums, so you should definitely read it.

We get to blame our parents, and whoever else had a hand in raising us, for the music we grew up with.  It really shouldn’t be embarrassing to admit to listening, or even liking, what we were subjected to when we were young and impressionable.  But what if we still like that same music now, when we’re old enough to know better?  What if our holidays just aren’t complete without hearing those albums?

That would be embarrassing.

But it doesn’t have to be.  Not anymore.  I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to like crappy holiday music that you wouldn’t otherwise listen to.  In the spirit of mutual support, I will now publicly admit to two albums that are integral to my Xmas season.

Christmas Greetings
Kenny Rogers

I grew up in a Kenny Rogers household, and (against all odds) my taste in music turned out okay—a heartwarming success story, I’m sure.  Hey!  you can download this album for under $5!  If that’s not a sign of excellence, I don’t know what is.

I happen to genuinely like his “Carol of the Bells” (and here genuinely probably means due to brainwashing).  But the must-hear track of the season is “Kentucky Homemade Christmas”—a touching tale about the impact of job loss on the holidays.

I’m finding it hilarious that I now have a picture of Kenny Rogers on my blog.

I’m drawing a blank on the name of my other must-hear album of the season.  I’m sure my mom still has a copy, so I’ll have to get it from her.  Anyway, it’s a compilation of modern classics, and it includes two key tracks:  Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” and Boney M.’s “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord.”  Those two horrible, horrible songs have become part of a Planchak family tradition, at least for my brother Matthew and me.

If you’d like a visual aid, our love for those songs looks kind of like this:

…yeah…

So, don’t leave me hanging!…tell us about your childhood favorites or embarrassments or guilty pleasures in the comments.  If we stand together, we won’t have to feel humiliated or tarnish our street cred.  Ideally.

Santa image credit:  “thumbs up” by Flickr user istolethetv, used under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.0 license.

The extent of my knowledge about most holidays is limited (to say the least), and I expect that holidays will be integral to teaching the girls comparative religion, so I was excited when the library got the Cultural Holidays series published by Magic Wagon/ABDO in.  The simple text is perfect for preschool and up, and the colorful, uncluttered illustrations support the text without distracting from it.

As far as content goes, here’s a little bit about what I learned:

L. L. Owens.  Hanukkah.  Illustrated by Holli Conger.  Magic Wagon, 2010.  32 pages.  Age 4 to 8.

By reading Hanukkah, I learned about when Hanukkah is on the Hebrew calendar; what the biblical origin story is; why (possibly) it lasts 8 days; what the menorah is, and rules for use; what Hanukkah’s three blessings are; and customs like dreidels, foods, and songs.

Sheila Anderson.  Kwanzaa.  Illustrated by Holli Conger.  Magic Wagon, 2010.  32 pages.  Age 4 to 8.

By reading Kwanzaa, I learned about what Kwanzaa is and what its name means; the names, meanings, and celebrations of the seven principles; what the different decorations are and what they symbolize; why gifts are given (to reward accomplishments and encourage success—how cool is that?); and that there is a big feast on the last day.

L. L. Owens.  Christmas.  Illustrated by Holli Conger.  Magic Wagon, 2010.  32 pages.  Age 4 to 8.

I used Christmas as my control title, because I grew up celebrating it and actually know a little bit about it.  The book covered the basics, like the nativity story and some common traditions like going to church and decorating trees.  It spent a page talking about secular ways to celebrate the holiday, and several paragraphs talking about different traditions around the world, both of which I appreciate.  There was also a page dedicated to Santa.  The wording was mostly non-committal, but still came out in favor of him being real.  I suppose that would suit the needs of most young children; and the rest will have parents who interject.

The other titles in the series are:

• Chinese New Year
• Cinco de Mayo
• Ramadan

Nonfiction Monday is at In Need of Chocolate today.